A funny thing happens to me: Every junk food I like disappears. I'll strike upon supermarket gold, and then within months, my favored food is cruelly ripped from me. Not to sound bitter or anything. Here are the products I still pine for...
1. Jell-O Pudding Bites
There's an entire Facebook page dedicated to Jell-O Pudding Bites, with plenty of desperate pleas to bring these gummy-like yummies back. One fan claims she recreated the bites by microwaving a pudding cup mixed with non-flavored gelatin (no water) and whipped cream. But she also spelled gelatin "gelien." I'm not feeling hopeful.
2. Cookies 'n Cream Nesquik
I first came across Cookies 'n Cream Nesquik at Big Lots in the late '90s. I knew this was a bad sign—Big Lots is the retail graveyard for failed novelty foods. I snatched up a box of the powder, fell in love, then watched with horror as my best friend slurped down the rest of my mix. That was the last I ever saw of it. Here's an explanation, straight from the Nesquik Twitter feed:
3. Under Cover Bears Oatmeal
I had a serious aversion to oatmeal as a child. (I've since realized it was only because my mother made it soupy.) However, I was in love with Under Cover Bears Oatmeal, which had gummy bears coated in oatmeal dust that dissolved when you spooned 'em up. Then one day they were gone. I refused to eat oatmeal again until college. I once tried stirring gummy bears into instant oatmeal, but only ended up with a goopy, melty mess.
4. Cheetos Paws
Remember those little 25-cent chip bags? Well, Cheetos Paws came in a neon green bag, which I could spot from a mile away in the chip bin at my house. When only one bag remained, glowing like a green beacon of junk-food delight, my sister and I would literally race to the cabinet, clawing for the coveted Paws. They were that delicious. (I have a theory that shaped Cheetos taste better than traditional puffs. Same goes for character-shaped Mac & Cheese.) In 1994, Paws disappeared. As far as I can tell, they were a limited-release food, only ever intended to last a short time. Sad.
5. Doritos 3Ds
I distinctly remember Doritos 3Ds hurting my mouth—something about those sharp, puffed-up corners scratching my delicate palate. Yet, I still scarfed them at an astonishing speed. I found them for sale on Piggly Wiggly's website, but I'm not getting my hopes up.
6. Butterfinger BB's
These peanut-buttery pellets had a long and beautiful life from the 1990s until 2006. They have since been replaced (but never replicated) by Butterfinger Snackerz.
7. Oops, All Berries!
Corn-based cereals lack the sweetness I craved as a child, which meant I never jumped onto the Cap'n Crunch boat. That is, until Oops, All Berries! appeared on supermarket shelves in 1997. With only the berry-flavored cereal bits, it was exactly the sugary surge I needed. The whole "oops, factory mistake!" bit was all a marketing ploy (I was fooled)—they were released again in 2010 for only a limited time.