Birthday Cake Oreo Bark

I'm well aware that I just made Birthday Cake Cheesecake. But I think my recipe repetition is justified, because I FINALLY found Birthday Cake Oreos! I'd all but given up on tracking down the elusive cookies, assuming they were a very-very-limited-time release. But this weekend, when I was visiting my family in Tennessee, there they were, prominently displayed on a shelf in Walmart. Naturally, I snagged two packages. (Which means they'll be appearing in a few more recipes in the near future.) 

       I considered making truffles, but it was nearly 9 o'clock when I started baking, so I wanted something simple (and instantly rewarding). My solution: Oreo bark. It doesn't require baking, it hardens quickly, and it's so sweet I only need one piece to satisfy my sugar craving. 

       I incorporated cake batter into the recipe, which, as my boyfriend so kindly commented, made it taste like frosting. I think he (with his pitifully weak sweet tooth) intended that as an insult, but I consider it a compliment—I could eat frosting by the spoonful. Now I don't even need the spoon.

Birthday Cake Oreo Bark

What you need
12 oz almond bark candy
1/3 cup yellow cake mix
12 Birthday Cake Oreos, crumbled
Sprinkles

Put it all together

1. Break up the almond bark candy, and place it in a microwave-safe bowl. Heat until melted, about 1 to 2 minutes, stirring every 30 seconds. 
2. Stir the cake mix into the melted candy, then add the crumbled Oreos and gently combine. 
3. Spread mixture to 1/4" thickness on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and greased lightly. Top with sprinkles. Allow to harden completely. (It should take about half an hour.)
4. Cut into squares and serve!

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Birthday Cake Cheesecake

I've been really grumpy lately. It seems that all I do is flit from social obligation to work to buying MORE cat food, and I'm just worn out. (It's a tough life, really. I miss summer break.) Fortunately, there's respite in my kitchen. When I'm grumpy, nothing makes me feel better than experimental baking. I'm normally not one to brag. But this may very well be my most delicious creation ever. 

I made the crust out of crushed vanilla wafers, and folded birthday cake crumb—crispy and cookie-like, with plenty of sprinkles—into the cheesecake batter. (It's the same stuff coating Momofuku Milk Bar's birthday cake truffles.) The crumb is like Funfetti in cookie form; it contributes the flavor of birthday cake, without compromising the density of the cheesecake. Rather, it adds a welcome layer of texture. The pairing of the smooth sponginess of the cheesecake with the crunch of the crumb is to-die-for. In fact, I consider this a viable option for my last meal if I'm ever on Death Row. Not that I plan to be. I've just been watching Manson documentaries. (Creeped out yet? I am.) 

The best part of all: Since it's made with Neufchâtel cheese and marshmallow fluff, this colorful cake is not nearly as caloric as a normal slice of cheesecake. Unless, of course, you eat half the cake in one sitting. I came close.

Birthday Cake Cheesecake

What you need:

Birthday Cake Crumb
From Momofuku Milk Bar
½ cup sugar
1 ½ Tbsp light brown sugar, packed
¾ cup cake flour
½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
2 Tbsp rainbow sprinkles
¼ cup grapeseed or canola oil
1 Tbsp vanilla extract
 
Crust
32 vanilla wafers, crushed
2 Tbsp butter, melted
 
Cheesecake
2 packages (8 oz each) Neufchâtel cheese, softened
7 oz marshmallow fluff
1 egg
2 Tbsp rainbow sprinkles
 
Put it all together:

 1.    Preheat the oven to 300°F.
 2.    Combine the sugar, brown sugar, flour, baking powder, salt, and sprinkles in a bowl. Mix on low speed until thoroughly combined.
 3.    Add the oil and vanilla. Mix the ingredients until small clusters form.
 4.    Spread the clusters onto a baking pan covered with parchment paper. Bake for 20 minutes. The crumbs should feel slightly moist when you take them out of the oven. (They will dry and harden as they cool.) Allow the crumb to cool completely.
5.    Preheat the oven to 350°F.
6.    Combine the butter and crushed vanilla wafers, and press firmly into the bottom of a 9" springform pan. Bake for 10 minutes, then cool for 10 minutes.
7.    Beat the softened Neufchâtel and fluff with a mixer until smooth. Add the egg, and mix until combined. Stir in the birthday cake crumbs, and pour the batter over the cooled crust 8.    Bake for 2o to 25 minutes, until the center is set. Distribute sprinkles around the edges of the cheesecake, patting them gently to embed them into the cake. Cool the cheesecake completely, then refrigerate for 4 hours before serving.

 

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Funfetti Cheesecake Squares

We've established my obsession with Funfetti. Which means a glowing review of Funfetti Cheesecake Squares from me might seem slightly biased. So I'll open with an outsider opinion:


       "Those bars are so. darn. good. I grew up in a house where cake mix of any kind was verboten, so I'm new to the whole Funfetti thing. A whole wonderful world of baking is opening up!"


       Full disclosure: This email came from an intern who happens to report to me. So she's kind of obligated to like my desserts. (And use words like "verboten.") That said, another taster made a special trip to my office to praise my Funfetti Squares. And this taster feels no obligation to like my desserts (or me). So, I have full confidence in saying:


       This is one dessert you do NOT want to miss out on. 


       The bottom cake layer, where the Funfetti resides, is dense, almost crust-like, while the top tastes similar to cheesecake but with a flakier, creamier texture.  The combination is like crack to my sweet tooth.

Don't even start eating the dough. You won't have any left.

Funfetti Cheesecake Squares


What you need
1 box of Funfetti cake mix
1 stick butter, melted
3 eggs
8 oz cream cheese, softened
1 box powdered sugar (1 lb)
1 tsp vanilla


Put it all together

1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
2. Mix cake mix, melted butter, and 1 egg into a doughy mixture. Press into a 9x13" pan. 
3. Beat cream cheese, 2 eggs, sugar, and vanilla together until thoroughly combined. Pour over cake mixture in pan. 
4. Bake for 40 minutes. 

Best of the Bake Sale: Funfetti Pie!

My cat, Samson, generously donated his plate for this photo.

As a general rule, I don’t like cake. I find it unsatisfying—it lacks the density of cookies and the oozing sweetness of pie. But there’s one exception: Funfetti cake mix. I’m childishly drawn to the boxed stuff, sort of like I’m attracted to glitter or hot pink. And inexplicably so. The colorful confetti of sprinkles adds little beyond visual appeal—no flavor, no texture—yet I find myself eagerly whipping up any Funfetti-containing recipe. (Or happily blowing my diet on Truffula Chip Pancakes.) First, it was Momofuku Birthday Cake Truffles. Then it was Funfetti Chex Mix (aptly called “crack” by my coworker). Now, it’s Funfetti Pie.

I made the pie for a charity bake sale—a bit risky, but appropriate, I thought. The recipe combines the best of the bake sale: flaky piecrust, sugar cookie dough, Funfetti cake, and buttercream frosting. In other words, enough sugar to send me into a diabetic coma. In a good way, of course.

Funfetti Pie

Adapted from: Cake Spy

What you need

Pre-made flaky piecrust, thawed

Sugar cookie dough

Funfetti cake mix

1 cup water

1/3 cup vegetable oil

3 eggs

Sprinkles

Frosting

1.5 cups powdered sugar

1 c butter, softened

½ tsp vanilla extract

½ Tbsp whipping cream

Naked.

Put it all together

1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
2. Press an even layer of sugar cookie dough, about ½” thick, into the bottom of the pie crust.
3. Prepare the Funfetti cake mix according to package directions, using the water, oil, and eggs. Pour it into the pie crust, until it’s about two-thirds full. (You will have leftover cake mix.*)
4. Bake in the preheated oven for 30-35 minutes. The cake should be golden brown. Remove from oven, and let cool completely.
5. To make the frosting, use a stand mixer to blend the butter and powdered sugar. Start on low speed, then once it’s fluffy, crank it up to medium speed for 3 minutes.
6. Add the vanilla and whipping cream, continuing to mix on medium speed for 1 more minute. Spread frosting on completely cooled pie, then decorate with sprinkles.

*I suggest eating it by the spoonful, since calories don’t count while you’re baking. Or make cupcakes. Whichever.

 Sorry, iPhoto blemish remover wouldn't hide my cutting-board mess.

The results

Critic #1: "Just what I needed. It was delicious, and exactly what you'd think Funfetti pie would taste like."

Critic #2: "Just like you: different, interesting, irresistible, and not TOO sweet." 

I'm still deciding if I need therapy after comment #2.